Barbara Loe Fisher on the Measles "Outbreak"

Measles in Disneyland: Third MMR Shot and Vaccine Exemption Ban? 

 by Barbara Loe Fisher

There have been hundreds of media stories published in the U.S. and around the world since Jan. 14, 2015, the day after it was first reported that visitors to Disneyland got measles and presumably infected other people in California, Washington, Utah and Colorado.¹ Like wildfire, the story spread globally even though there was - and still is - limited information about the 51 lab-confirmed cases of measles public health officials say are linked to the happiest place on earth. According to a Jan. 23 Health Advisory issued by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), “no source case for the outbreak has been identified.” ²

 Demonizing of Parents and Their Children

The U.S. has a population of more than 320 million people and 38 million people live in California, so it is curious why a handful of measles cases prompted one California newspaper to quickly place blame on parents making informed vaccine choices, calling them “ignorant” and engaged in a “self-absorbed rejection of science.” ³ Astroturfers ⁴ and trolls ^{5 6} saw that kind of talk as a green light to do more of it on public comment boards, suggesting that children with vaccine-related brain injuries are genetic mutants and calling mothers of vaccine injured children “liars” and “witches.” ⁷

 

Pediatrician Leads Blame and Shame Game

 

Dr. James Cherry, ⁸ a prominent UCLA pediatrician and infectious disease expert, publicly joined in the blame and shame game, hurling insults at parents declining to give children every one of the government recommended 69 doses of 16 vaccines, including two MMR shots. Dr. Cherry said, “There are some pretty dumb people out there,” ⁹ and “Some people are just terribly selfish.” ¹⁰

 

Name-calling is a convenient way to deflect attention from inconvenient truths about vaccine failures and the dissolving myth of vaccine acquired herd immunity. ¹¹

 

A Very Highly Vaccinated U.S. Population

 

Case in point: there were 644 cases of measles reported in America in 2014, ¹² even though 95% of children entering kindergarten ¹³ have gotten two doses of MMR vaccine, which is also true for 92% of school children ages 13 to 17 years. ¹⁴ Plus, less than one percent of children under age three are completely unvaccinated and 92% of them have gotten one or more MMR shots. ¹⁵ In some states, the MMR vaccination rate is approaching 100 percent. ¹⁶

 

According to Dr. Cherry, measles vaccine acquired herd immunity is in effect with a measles vaccination rate of more than 90 percent. ¹⁷ Well, that has been true in America since 1981 with one dose of MMR vaccine ¹⁸ and since 2000 for two doses of MMR vaccine, which is one reason why the CDC declared measles eradicated from the U.S. in 2000. ¹⁹

 

But, clearly, measles virus has not been eradicated from the U.S., just like measles has not been eradicated from any other country and emerging scientific evidence suggests it never will be - no matter how many doses of MMR vaccine are mandated for every man, woman and child in the world. ^{20 21 22 23}

 

Why is a big deal being made out of 51 cases of measles reported in the U.S.?

 

Flu Shots That Don’t Work

 

Perhaps public health officials would prefer that the media and the public focus on a handful of measles cases at Disneyland and not focus on the fact that millions of Americans have gotten flu shots that don’t work and health care workers are being fired if they don’t get flu shots that don’t work. ^{24 25} If you got a flu shot this year, it will do absolutely nothing to protect you from the influenza strain making most people sick. ^{26 27 28} Worse, scientists have confirmed that the more often you get an annual flu shot, the less effective it is! ^{29 30}

 

How many vaccinated people are attending schools, going to grocery stories and working in hospitals and doctors offices without a clue they are infected with and shedding and transmitting influenza virus because they only have mild flu symptoms or no symptoms at all. ^{31 32} And it is anybody’s guess how many children are getting sick after live virus influenza vaccine is sprayed up their noses ³³ or are shedding vaccine strain live virus that could make other people sick. ^{34 35}

 

Pertussis Vaccine Failing

 

The pertussis vaccine is failing, too. ^{36 37}

 

Like measles, in recent years there have been huge increases in reports of B. pertussis whooping cough among children and adults in California and other states and many of those people have been vaccinated. ^{38 39} That was true for pertussis outbreaks in the U.S. 30 years ago, too. ^{40 41}

 

Now public health officials are finally admitting the truth that many scientists have been publishing for a long time: you can be fully vaccinated for pertussis, get infected and show atypical or no symptoms and spread whooping cough to vaccinated and unvaccinated persons. ^{42 43 44}

 

In fact, Dr. Cherry himself admits that there are millions of undiagnosed B. pertussis whooping cough cases every year in America, ⁴⁵ even though 95% or more of America’s school children have gotten multiple doses of pertussis containing vaccinations. ⁴⁶ In 2013, Dr. Cherry wrote, “Neither B. pertussis infection or pertussis vaccination elicit long-lasting immunity. Infection and illness repeatedly occur in all ages throughout life.” ⁴⁷

 

So much for the myth of pertussis vaccine acquired herd immunity. ⁴⁸

 

Measles Vaccine Failing

 

It isn’t very scientific to blame pertussis or influenza outbreaks on unvaccinated people. And it isn’t very scientific to blame measles outbreaks on unvaccinated people, either.

 

In some outbreaks of measles in California last year, nearly 20 percent of the people had been vaccinated. ⁴⁹ The CDC says that 12% of the measles cases associated with Disneyland were vaccinated, some of them with at least two doses of MMR vaccine. ⁵⁰

 

Measles vaccine acquired herd immunity is a dissolving myth, too. ^{51 52 53}

 

Public health doctors are scrambling to explain leaks in measles vaccine immunity ^{54 55} and have come up with this lame excuse: they say they just discovered that 1 measles vaccinated adult in 10 is now susceptible to measles because vaccine immunity wears off. ⁵⁶ They call it “waning immunity.” ⁵⁷

 

More MMR Shots Coming?

 

Now get ready for the sucker punch: Dr. Cherry told a TV network last week that the solution to waning measles vaccine immunity is to “give additional doses” of MMR vaccine to adults. ^{58 59}

 

That’s right. Let’s just mandate more MMR shots for millions of Americans and make Merck’s stockholders really happy. ⁶⁰

 

But who is Dr. Cherry kidding? We all know that adults are way too hard to pin down – unless you threaten them with loss of a job or medical care or put them in prison - so I predict that the third MMR shot will more likely target high school students and people trying to get a college education. ⁶¹

 

Dr. Cherry’s solution to reported measles cases at Disneyland reminds me of when doctors told parents in 1990 that they didn’t realize one dose of MMR vaccine would fail to provide lifelong immunity after all, so kids are going to have to get a second dose of MMR. ⁶²

 

Inconvenient Scientific Truths About Measles Vaccine

 

The inconvenient scientific truth about measles in Disneyland and around the world is that public health doctors do not know how many vaccinated people can be infected with measles, show few or no symptoms and transmit measles to other people. ⁶³ Government health officials do not conduct rountine active surveillance of vaccinated people to find out if they are experiencing asymptomatic or atypical measles and transmitting it to others.

 

In addition, there are published studies demonstrating that people given live virus measles vaccine can be infected with vaccine strain measles virus and shed vaccine strain measles virus. ^{64 65 66} Health officials do not conduct routine active surveillance of people getting live MMR vaccine to monitor for vaccine strain measles virus infection, shedding and the potential for transmission.

 

Is It Measles or Something Else?

 

Most doctors and parents don’t know that the CDC warns, “During outbreaks, measles vaccine is administered to help control the outbreak, and in these situations, vaccine reactions may be mistakenly classified as measles cases. A small proportion of measles vaccine recipients experience rash and fever 10–14 days following vaccination. ⁶⁷

 

Yes, MMR vaccine can cause vaccine strain measles infection that looks just like measles. 68

 

Plus, other common viral infections – like adenovirus infections – can look just like measles with rash, fever and conjunctivitis symptoms ^{69 70} and be misdiagnosed as measles UNLESS there is expensive RNA lab testing done to confirm that what looks like measles really is wild type measles. ⁷¹

 

Plans to Further Damage California Vaccine Exemptions

 

And now for the second sucker punch, at least for families living in California: Dr. Pan, the pediatrician politician who lobbied in 2013 to pass a bill restricting non-medical vaccine exemptions for children to attend school, told one California newspaper last week that he intends to introduce new legislation to do more damage to the ability of parents to weigh the benefits and risks of vaccination and make voluntary vaccine choices for their children. ⁷²

 

Will California health officials take away religious and conscientious belief vaccine exemptions and leave doctors like Dr. Pan and Dr. Cherry in charge of who gets a public education?

 

Using Disneyland to Move the Goalposts

The hype about 51 cases of measles reportedly linked to Disneyland ⁷³ has more to do with covering up vaccine failures and propping up the dissolving myth of vaccine acquired herd immunity than it does about protecting the public health. It has a lot to do with defensive doctors trying to blame a minority of parents who are refusing to place irrational faith in them and their moving goal posts, ⁷⁴ and are choosing instead to think and act rationally. ⁷⁵

 

That third MMR shot is coming to America and so is a massive Pharma-led lobby attempt to demonize and punish 76 77 all Americans who defend the human right to exercise informed consent to medical risk-taking, including vaccine risk-taking. 78 The calls to strike down those who do not use every dose of the growing list of government-mandated vaccines, is on a fast track.79 80 It will include banning the unvaccinated from exercising the right to get a public education, medical care,81 employment and many other human and civil rights.

 

Americans Have A Choice to Make

 

The battle lines are clearly drawn. Now Americans have a choice to make: will we stand up and fight to protect our human right to make voluntary decisions about which vaccines we buy and use, or will we permit liability free drug companies and government health officials to take that freedom from us? ⁸²

 

Go to NVICAdvocacy.org and learn how you can take action to protect vaccine exemptions in your state. Learn more about the risks and complications of measles and measles vaccine on NVIC.org. And if you or your child have been vaccinated and the vaccine failed to protect you or caused harm, you can make a report to NVIC and share your experience with others on NVIC.org.
 

It’s your health. Your family. Your choice.

 

To visit Fisher's website, please click the link below.

 

http://www.nvic.org/NVIC-Vaccine-News/January-2015/measles-in-disneyland-third-mmr-shot-and-vaccine.aspx
  

 

 

Info Wars on Measles

 

 

 

I would not put it past military-governments of the world to be changing the Measles virus within their labs.  I think that is far more likely rather than Measles changing simply because some of the population is unvaccinated.  For thousands of years the public did not have Western Medical's live virus and blood and mercury type of vaccinations, meaning the whole population was unvaccinated and Measles carried on as it did.  What has definitely changed the virus is the vaccine itself.  Now when vaccinated kids get Measles, it is Atypical Measles.  So it definitely morphed because of the vaccine, not because of not taking the vaccine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTE26ENzQr8

Disneyland and Measles

The recent Measles outbreak at Disneyland may have been made to happen so legislation can be brought in to force more vaccinations, or it could have been made to happen to show you how the old vaccine is obsolete and so you need the new and improved vaccination, amongst many other possible reasons.  What is unfortunate is people don't question the line they're told.  Here, the line seems to be that one unvaccinated woman is "apparently" responsible.  How many of those who got the Measles have been vaccinated in the past?  How many have had Measles in the past and were supposed to have natural immunity?  How many were unvaccinated?  People should be allowed to choose whether they want to put poisons into their bodies or not.  If you believe in vaccines, then by all means have the Measles shot and then you can't blame an unvaccinated woman if you get the Measles.

Here's an excerpt from a 2009 article on this blogsite.

Obviously, there are groups out there who think vaccines are good, helpful things. They are perhaps concerned that unvaccinated people will make them sick. If they get the shot and believe in it so much, then how can what I do or not do be of any concern to them? Fear should never be a motivating factor for anything. I invite you to research percentages on those who have not had shots and don’t get the disease, as well as those who have had shots and still get the disease, only usually in a worse form.
I have many stories around doctors trying to force various vaccines on me through the years. I want to tell you one related to my daughter, because it relates to the disease changing if in a vaccinated person. Before my daughter could be enrolled in kindergarten, I had to take her to her doctor (who she hasn’t seen since because she has stayed in the same school). The gentleman pored over her thin file, looked up at me and said, “Has anyone talked to you about vaccinations?”

“No, and I’d rather they didn’t.” (I had researched the subject thoroughly fifteen years before I even met my daughter’s father and have logged a few more years of research since.)

“Well,” he continued, “Do you know that three kids died of measles last year?” (This is a common ploy of pediatricians- try to induce fear in the uneducated mother.)
“Was it Atypical Measles?” (I am not an uneducated mother.)

“Ah,” he stumbled, “Ah, well, yes.”

“So that means the three who died were vaccinated.”

He was silent to my statement, not a question. (Atypical Measles occurs in those who have been vaccinated against measles. I personally prefer measles.)

I asked, “Could you please write on the chart that we’ve had the vaccination talk? Thanks.”It really doesn’t matter whether we are in agreement on the vaccination issue, or not. What’s important here, is a person’s right to choose what’s best on an individual basis is being threatened.
Another question related to the recent outbreak supposedly caused by an unvaccinated woman who visited airports and Disneyland is: What do each of these sick people have, Measles or Atypical Measles?

Measles and the Media

Following are some points on the 2014/2015 Measles outbreak:

                     On the news, I heard that Measles was eradicated by 2000.  (Eradicated to me means from Earth.  Not simply from the United States.  It also means that crazy scientists and governments of the world do not keep any pathogens locked up just in case.)

                      I haven't heard of a Measles outbreak in San Francsico, yet the news never stops harping on how they have a community that have decided not to vaccinate.

                      The news are showing doctors that constantly harp on the idea that communities of non-vaccinated children occur because parents talk and convince each other.  Perhaps people gravitate to more open minded communities.  I have spoken out in favor of not vaccinating children since 1987-90ish and no people around me were convinced.  The propaganda that the news was doing was extremely effective.  What others did was their business anyway.  I wasn't trying to convince anyone.  It is actually the opposite.  Vaccinators try to convince us how wrong we are.

                      The news is claiming that the Measles vaccination is the safest vaccine.  Are they admitting that vaccines exist that are not safe, or as safe?  And if vaccines exist that are not as safe, why aren't they safe?  And why are unsafe vaccinations permitted and forced on the public by law in some places?

                      Before people can be made wrong...before legislation can be implemented to force vaccinations, the Measles has to strike the population.  People probably come from other countries with various viruses, bacteria, fungi, and other pathogens all the time, yet outbreaks don't happen.  In order for Measles to penetrate a person's immune system, certain factors would have to be place.  The odds of an outbreak occurring would be far greater if it was dumped on a portion of the population at one time.  Chem Trails can deliver mercury, nanoparticulates, and other harmful crap for us to inhale and absorb.  It could also be a delivery system for Measles.

                      If you are concerned about non-vaccinated people being able to harm you, you must believe that vaccinations can save you.  So get your vaccinations if it makes you happy and get out of non-vaccinated people's business!

                     Notice the numbers of vaccinated people who also came down with Measles (and the Pertussis outbreak of 2010, by the way.).

                     Look into Chinese Medicine's treatment of Measles.

 
If you would like a place to go to memorialize a loved one who has been harmed by vaccines, please click on the link below.http://www.nvic.org/Vaccine-Memorial/Create-a-Memorial.aspx

 

 

                                      

 

 

 

Awake During Major Surgery— Part 3

I lay on the operating table watching the screen off to my right that showed the procedure to remove a huge uterine fibroid and adenomyosis in progress.  Actually, my surgeon had speculated that I was suffering from adenomyosis.  If indeed it was present, he would see it and would also have the lab confirm it.

In the twelve centimeter opening on my lower abdomen, I saw some adipose tissue (fat) and was so pleased to see it taken away.  A minor tummy tuck.  That has to be a bonus, I thought, feeling comfortable and quite enjoying the show.  I felt a tug as an instrument held the entrance to my guts open wider, but it was not distressful.  Fascia, sheaths, and connective tissues were separated from my muscle and then the muscles were pulled to the sides.  Old blood from hemorrhaging was there and they squirted what I guessed was saline water into the wound.  Often in the past months I had been sure I had suffered blood loss by how I felt, yet there was no evidence at times.  The blood had just stayed inside me.

The surgeon put his gloved hand into the hole that presented itself.  All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I felt nauseous.  The rush up my front quickly turned to a panicky feeling.  I could not understand why I would feel panicked when just a second prior I had been thoroughly enjoying myself.  I thought, Well, I guess I can’t handle this.  In disgust, I looked to the anesthesiologist and was about to tell him I supposed I needed general anesthesia when he came close to me and told me what was happening.

“The epidural made your blood pressure drop.  I’ve already given you something to raise your blood pressure and to stop the nausea.  You should feel it take effect soon.” 

Before he had stopped speaking, I felt blissed-out again, happy to get back to watching the procedure.  I was distracted, though.  It was an amazing thing to experience drugs at work.  With the sudden blood loss and anemia of months prior, I had experienced my blood pressure drastically dropping and had taken herbs to help get things closer to right again.  This was my first time experiencing my blood pressure dropping due to a drug.  (For two days to come, I would experience my blood pressure dropping suddenly, causing me to vomit and postpone walking.)  The speed with which the nausea and panic left amazed me.  I also truly felt that this doctor by my side had my back.

I had missed some stitches sewn into my uterus, leaving threads.  The surgeon and his assistant were pulling it up by these threads.  It took up the entire hole as it flopped onto my abdomen.  They had placed a tourniquet on an end of my uterus and injected what I thought to be a stop bleeding drug.  Truly, I needed a program!

I saw some blood on the outside of the uterus and now my uterus rested on white cloths which had been placed on me, completely covering all of my skin.  A laser was used to cut the uterus in half vertically.  I knew the integrity of the uterus had been compromised since horizontal cuts were better.  I also knew that if the surgeon had chosen a vertical cut, the fibroid’s placement would have required it.  As it opened, I could see very dark blood clots and assumed adenomyosis was indeed present.  (Endometrial cells swell with blood and cause bleeding-thus, the clots.)  I could see the fibroid’s shape hidden within a layer of the uterus.  It was huge, like a softball.  A tool was used to make multiple punctures into the uterus or fibroid.  When the fibroid finally came out, I saw it in the surgeon’s hand.  He could not close his fingers around it.  (It was really the size of a baseball, but part of my uterus had come with it, making it seem larger to me.)  As with the blood clots and such, it went off to the side out of my view.  (The fibroid turned out to be housing thirteen fibroids.)

I saw debulking occurring.  During my visit to his office when contemplating this procedure, the surgeon had told me that if adenomyosis was present, the upper third of the endometrial layer would be removed.  I watched him shave away the top of both halves and watched a part of me thrown to the side with the fibroid.

I could smell flesh burning when a laser was used prior to the uterus being sewn up.  His technique of long threads making knots was cool to watch.  They both worked with amazing speed.  I marveled at how my uterus became the size of his palm, about a third of what it had been. 

At one time, the surgeon and anesthesiologist discussed the World Cup soccer matches that were presently going on.  At another point, the surgeon was trying to get the anesthesiologist to make me sleep, though he did not directly say so. 

I felt great love for the anesthesiologist when he said, “We’re cool here.  Everything’s fine.” 

Again, the surgeon tried in a secret speech kind of way that I recognized both as a parent and as a practitioner myself. 

“We’re doing great.”                

I was so pleased that I got to remain awake, but was confused as to why he felt I should be asleep.

The sewing took a long time.  It was very detailed, thorough.  (Ninety-six sutures, I later learned.)  At times, my uterus resembled Audrey as a young plant in Little Shop of Horrors.  By the end, it looked like a fish.  I saw a fibroid about three centimeters cut off the outside of my uterus and a cyst taken from an ovary.  (Blood spurted out, so possibly a hemorrhagic cyst.)  Something was also taken from each fallopian tube.  The tourniquet was removed and a lot of what I thought to be saline solution was poured into my cavity.  Tools were used to aid in the lowering of my uterus back into my abdominal cavity.

I sighed.  It was almost over and nowhere near to a four hour surgery.  I had made it!  Unfortunately; though, my peace was about to be broken once again.

I saw three huge cloths enter the cavity and only noticed two bloody and wet clothes come out.  (When watching the DVD two days later, I saw three go in and three come out.)  When the surgeon asked, “Isn’t there one more?” I could not help but nod.  The nurse started counting everything immediately.  Over and over she recounted and recounted.  Always, it was yes that everything to come out, had.  Meanwhile, though, the surgeon roughly searched for the cloth, his hand and half his forearm disappearing inside me.  At one point, I saw my intestines in his hands and thought they looked pretty healthy, though I had never seen real healthy intestines before, so I am perhaps no judge.  I had only seen those in autopsies.

Out of nowhere, a dreadful pain rushed up my front.  It culminated with my temples pounding.  The anesthesiologist touched my forehead and whispered, "Everything's ok."  (Apparently, my heart rate had raced.  Perhaps he thought it an emotional response.  It could have been a physiological response.)  Later, I asked the anesthesiologist why I felt the rummaging through my tummy, and intestines when the surgeon held them.  He reminded me that the Vagus nerve communicates with the intestines, but also with breathing.  The epidural cannot shut out such a powerful, important nerve.  After all, usually, the surgeon would not be rummaging around like that.  I was pleased he searched—better safe than sorry, because I would have been the sorry party!

The unbelievable, suffocating sensation finally stopped.  He was satisfied.  All was well.  I was so relieved. 

Stitches were made here and there as I was being closed up.  The next solution made a foam as hydrogen peroxide does.  Then, what I thought to be saline solution was also used.

Soon I was looking at adipose tissue again through a small ellipse.  He sewed the two pieces of skin that had never been joined before together.

The anesthesiologist helped me to call the nurse over with the container holding the fibroid and other waste in it.  To the diseases, I said, “Thank-you.   You've taught me a lot.”  It went to the lab to be tested.

Soon, the screen was off and the blue sheet was coming down.  I knew a nurse had placed an abdominal binder on me, even though I did not see it or feel it.  As I was moved to my bed, I felt like a head floating in space.  I said, “Weeee!”

It took three hours in recovery for me to be able to move a toe sufficiently enough to be allowed to return to my room.

 

My road to recovery included suddenly dropping blood pressure and vomiting...always fun on a freshly cut up abdomen...fevers that came and went,  a cough for a weekend...another joy to the abdomen...and male stalkers when out walking the streets of my home town-stalkers from whom I could not run.  But, hey, the adenomyosis is long gone and within a month, my fingernails started to grow.  (My nails showed the poor state of my blood for many months.)

Note: When you are asleep during surgery, things may occur about which you may know nothing.  For example, the surgeon's report says nothing about the search for a cloth.  It had been traumatic for my organs, and yet, there was no mention of it.  My medical report was there to list how many sutures, etc., but I think it fair to the patient to document goings on as well.  The report also said that I awakened in the operating room, yet I never slept.  My mother, who had also viewed the surgery live from our room, did comment to the surgeon that the roughness with my insides, having his arm inside me like that, might have caused some bruising that may be sore to me.  He did not think it would be.  This talk happened while I was in the recovery room.

On September 9, 2014, Temple Community Hospital was closed down due to not being up to earthquake standards.  It is a shame.  The employees at that hospital were a wonderful team.  I am so grateful that this hospital allowed the surgery that saves the noncancerous uterus. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Awake During Major Surgery—Part 2

Fernando wheeled my gurney to the operating room hallway.  Here, people to go into help with surgeries were putting on hats and such.  Two patients in their gurneys were in a line in front of me.  I heard a new person brought up behind me.   I might have been nervous about placing my life in doctors’ hands, but these were no random people to work on me.  They were a team who had performed this surgery at least 1,500 times.   I trusted them. 

Two really nice O.R. nurses came over and introduced themselves to me.  Soon, the doctor I had been wanting to meet for days approached me and introduced himself.  This was my anesthesiologist.  I felt the conversation about how I wished to remain awake should have occurred days prior, but better late than never.  Surprisingly to me, there was to be no discussion.   

He came up to me and laid it out. “I’ll give you an epidural.  Epidurals don’t work in 15% of patients.  If it doesn’t work, I’ll have to give you a general, which will put you out.  I’ll give you a sedative soon to calm you down.”   

I felt clam and said, “I don’t want a sedative.” 

“You’ll start freaking out when you can’t feel your feet.”

“No, I won’t.  It will mean I can’t feel the operation and I’m fine with that.  I also don’t want any amnesiacs.  I want to remember.”

“Absolutely not.  I’m giving you the sedative and it WILL make you forget and that’s that.  You will not be able to lie quiet.  You’ll talk.  It’s a four hour surgery.  You won’t be able to handle it that long.”

“Yes, I will.  I had my anal sphincter sewn and a vaginal hematoma that had burst  without any pain killers at all.  No local or general anesthesia.  I had to lie still for two hours and fifteen minutes with my feet in stirrups!  I watched every bloody stitch and listened to him talking to the woman about how to sew a pelvic floor correctly.  Also, I had surgery recently. (As an outpatient.) I didn’t like not remembering and the drugs made me talkative, yet I didn’t know what I was saying.  Please.  I’m calm.  I can handle it.  I want to stay awake.”

It’s really quite unfair that a consumer who knows herself better than any of these strangers can’t be heard, I thought, hoping that he would allow me to be awake to see the disease, my tormenter for close to a year, leave my life.  Nurse Beverly had been on the phone with him the night before…He had called her…She had told him about my good spirits and I had told her I planned to be awake.  She might have told him, which may be why he was so ready for me with reasons why I needed to be drugged further than an epidural.  I lay there wishing he had chosen to get to know me better.  I can guarantee anyone that if I have a physical body to autopsy when this lifetime is over, my spirit will be standing close by observing!

People came for various gurneys.  Mine was wheeled into Operating Room A.  I saw a camera up on the ceiling, which would make the picture on the screen face from feet to head.  Odd, usually when I see my abdomen, I am looking down the direction of head to foot.  The hands that I would see on the left of the screen would really belong to a surgeon standing on my right.  The operating table I moved over to was thinner.   I had to lie on my left side as the anesthesiologist did the epidural.  Then, I rolled onto my back with my gown raised up to just beneath my breasts.  A nurse placed sticker things on my breasts and chest area going under my gown.  I was pleased that I was not exposed.  That made me feel respected and therefore, safer.

The screen off to my right up high on a wall came on pretty quickly.  On it, I saw my naked upper legs, private area and tummy.  Me in my thigh high tights and then stark naked made my Vegas joke all the more real.  Oh, my!  I thought.  I look like a show girl!  As the nurse prepared the area for surgery by cleaning me with three different solutions, I could feel the pressing in a distant kind of way.  After applied, the yellow, orange, and black ointments were wiped clean. 

The anesthesiologist moved the table to place the camera on my tummy only, so I lost the view of how they draped me and possibly placed a blanket over my legs. He put the brakes of my operating table on as a nurse was preparing my right arm.  I was as a religious prisoner of the Romans.  My right arm was out as if I was on a cross, cradled in this green foam.  Then it was covered.  I don’t think any gadgets hooked up to that arm.  The other arm was also straight out, but on a flat thing that came out of the table.  The anesthesiologist placed a catheter in my wrist.  Here, he gave any drugs he felt I needed.  I know I was hooked up at my chest, but I don’t know where else.  I knew a urinary catheter had been put into me, but don’t know when it was done.  (That was to come out on Tuesday.)  A blue sheet was being raised to create a space in which the surgeons would work, blocking my direct view of them.

I saw my surgeon behind me to my left and said, “Good morning.”  I think he grumbled a good morning, but clearly did not want to talk.  I wanted to tell him my hemoglobin was no longer 10.8.  I had told Beverly at any rate.  I was surely no worse that 9.3.  No matter.  Months earlier, when I was 6.8 and contemplating a Myomectomy where significant blood loss occurs, a drop in hemoglobin would have been significant.  With this surgery, I would lose hardly any. 

On the screen, I saw two clamps with teeth placed on my tummy, below my belly button, on both sides.  I felt nothing, so looked to my left to the anesthesiologist and had a frown conveying, Nope, I don’t feel it.  Next, I watched on the screen as the surgeon drew a line from my belly button down to my pubic bone.  Then what seemed close to my hips, he drew a horizontal line.  Soon, I had five purple vertical lines and two twelve centimeter horizontal lines in an elliptical shape. 

Then the laser.  I could smell my skin burning as he cut an oval.  The skin was thrown away.  The first of what I came with that I would soon be leaving without.

Songs from his i-Pod played over the loud speaker—like Five for Fighting.  I constantly checked to see if I could remember what just happened and what song was playing.  No amnesiacs, yet! 

It had begun…                                                                               

Awake During Major Surgery—Part 1

My first time as a patient in a hospital and I was looking forward to my stay.  My mother and I arrived at about 7:45 P.M. on Sunday, June 22, the night before the big operation which would remove the huge fibroid and adenomyosis from my uterus.  A guy checked me in by placing a bar code tag on my wrist.  It also had my name and birth date on it.  Throughout my stay, any time I received a vitamin or drug, pill or shot, the bar code was zapped with a gun that was read by a nearby computer on wheels.  Fancy having a barcode like an item at a store!

All was quiet on the third floor where we were met by an assistant nurse, Maria, who took us to our room.  The room was huge with two beds, a couch and two chairs, a private shower separate from the sink and toilet, and two TV’s.  There was also a cabinet holding another TV that was hooked up to the camera that would be over me during surgery so my mother could watch the operation without sound.

Maria pampered us as if we were at a four star hotel!  She brought us each a tray of food; though, I didn’t fancy a meal so close to having my bowel sounds disappear and I had already had some soup at home.  It was funny, when I was booking my four night stay at the hospital, I felt like I was booking a hotel at Las Vegas.  During the operation, there would be a male surgeon, a male assistant surgeon, a male anesthesiologist, two male technicians (my surgeon works fast and needs two handing him instruments, etc), and a male photographer for the stills that I would get to keep of the operation.  Insurance refused to pay for the surgeons and the anesthesiologist as they thought I should just have a hysterectomy, so I paid them 100% out of my own pocket.  My running joke became: I feel like I’m booking a trip to Vegas.  I’m going to be naked with six men, get all drugged up, and lose lots and lots of money!  The room was so nice and my mother and I were in great spirits as if we were on the Riviera, that my joke was starting to look like a reality: a vacation.

 I was busy unpacking when Nurse Beverly came to check me in—a lengthy process.   I munched away on my apple that I’d brought from home, answering questions.  Beverly commented on my good attitude and that that would help me through the process of surgery and recovery.  I was just plain sick of bleeding and constantly trying to rebuild my blood.  After ten months of being careful not to aggravate my uterus and experience more blood loss, I was literally on the verge of going insane!  The knife (and lasers) were to be a welcomed change.  My mother had her needlepoint and book, and my only obligation was to be to heal.  What a lovely break from my busy world!

I slumbered in my own nightgown, but had to change into a hospital gown before I was picked up at 5:30, the morning of the 23^rd.  Beverly showed up to put thigh high white stockings on my legs that were to keep my legs warm.  Later, the compression boots would be added to aid with circulation. Each time Beverly came to me, she grabbed some gloves from the holders near the doorway.  Here she was just touching stockings, and her hands were gloved.   Old TV shows have characters taking blood and entering throats and other cavities and all sorts of things without gloves.  Beverly’s machine that digitally displayed blood pressure, pulse, oxygen rate, and temperature was certainly more sophisticated than anything I ever saw on hospital related television shows when growing up.   One thing TV does is its shows document how we are culturally at a certain point and space.  I imagine modern TV shows portray hospitals like what I experienced, including nurses in scrubs rather than the white dresses of the past.

Fernando showed up just inside my door with the gurney which I walked over to and got on feeling as though I was about to go on a fun ride at an amusement park.  I lay down and he put a blanket over me and we were off.

I was not nervous.  I was excited.  It was almost more emotion than I could bear.  No more suddenly hemorrhaging out of nowhere.   No more having to supply something on which to sit when at a fancy restaurant with cream upholstery seats.  No more avoiding tennis and ice skating and softball and running and dancing and Insanity and everything that made blood gush from the muscle layer of my uterus without warning.  Soon it would be over!

I was wheeled away from my room toward an elevator fully awake, how I would remain for the entire two hours of major surgery.